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Out of control

April 30, 2019

 

Dear sis,  

 

It's taken me a while, but I'm finally willing to admit it. Ready?... okay, here goes: I'm a control freak. I know, I know.... it’s terrible! I never wanted to be slightly associated with the term — let alone deemed one myself. I've met a few control freaks and let's just say....eh I'll pass (lol).

 

In my mind — a control freak was someone who consciously undermines other people by dictating how everything should be done around them. They nitpick even the smallest things and correct just about everything! That’s definitely not me.  

But, I've realized "control freaks" come in different forms. And, I’m one of them. 😩

 

 

con·trol freak

noun INFORMAL

a person who feels an obsessive need to exercise control over themselves and others; and to take command of any situation.   

                                              

 

While I have no desire to control others or take command of every situation... I absolutely have an obsessive need to control every aspect of *my* life. For some reason, having "control" gives me assurance. I feel I can avoid mistakes or achieve my goals faster. 

 

If we're being honest most of us do, and often times releasing that thirst for control feels next to impossible. It gets even worse if you’re in the midst of what I call a “dry season”. It’s that time in life when nothing seems to be going as planned, and you’re bombarded with frustration, all while trying to figure out where to turn next. 

 

 I'm not sure where this need for control comes from. But I've come to realize: life will go on whether I have control or not. So the question is: why freak out about it? 

 

I mean, does it really make sense to drive ourselves crazy trying to have complete control over every. Single. thing? Nah, it doesn’t! And, is there really such a thing as “complete control” anyway? It doesn’t even sound realistic. 

 

What's more important than trying to control the things we can’t — is recognizing the aspects of our lives that we *do* have control over. 

Like: 

 

How we choose to show up for ourselves each day. 

What foods we choose to eat.

What thoughts we choose to resonate in our minds.

How we show gratitude for the thing that are going well in our lives.

How we allow peoples actions to affect us.

How we choose to find time to work on things we are passionate about. 

 

It's tough, but I'm learning that evaluating the expectations we set for ourselves is an evolving exercise that constantly forces us to reprioritize our mindsets. It reminds us that the ultimate act of control is not about having control at all. It’s about letting go and trusting that the life we live is leading us down the path we’re destined to take. 

 

XOXO,

Lo

 

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